Jokes|7Mxg's Clairovoyance, Foretell & Lifestyle Tales 17

Inspired by 777 Great Jokes-Jennifer Hahn & Superduper Jokes-Bob Phillips, arenajokes,jokes best Stories: 3 girls stuck on an island. They find a lamp & a genie comes out of it. He grants them each one wish. The brunette girl wishes to go home and see her family. poof shes gone. The redhead wishes also go go home to see her family. poof shes gone. The genie comes to the blonde girl and sees that shes crying. He asks "why are you crying?". She responds "I wish my friends were back".

A Twist of Events. A recent stressed out man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him. Clerk: Hello, how the new interview go? Man: Swell, I got the job. Clerk: That's good! Man: No, that's bad. I got to deal with a bunch of sh*t now. Clerk: Oh that is bad! Man: No, no, that's good..it may look great in my resume Clerk: Oh, that is good. Man: No, that's bad. Company couldn't give me a paycheck to spend things on. Clerk: Oh, that's bad. Man: No, that's good, I won the lottery anyway. Clerk: Oh, congrats man! No, that's bad..it turned out to be counterfeit Clerk: Oh that is bad. Man: No that's good, I got away with it along with free meals & my own room for life! 

Top 10 Things You Don't Want a Populist President to say: 10) My fellow courteous patrons, I have been lying to you all this time. These two beautiful twin daughters I have? They're my clones. Wife? You mean the surrogate? err, none of your business 9) My followers, I have to admit to something. I accidentaly pushed the wrong button on my trip to the SAC base but I'm sure it's no big deal, they're just missiles, ABMs exist 8) My fellow ists, I have to ask one thing. What's a law? 7) My fellow commoners, we sadly admitted a senator who was espionaging on us & our medical insurance can't cover his well received heart attack, could this be a sign for the end of mankind? 6) Another thing to admit, D.C. with Dod adopted me under their founding cult. What's that SS? I'm not allowed to call it a cult? 5) I may have overspent, someone call the emergency office, this entire nation about to shutdown forever 4) Fellow peasants, I finally done it, my very own clone army. We'll finally mimic starwars clone wars! 3) My fellow dimwitts, I have to tell you all something that happened back in November. I rigged the votes. Yeah, yeah, I had this planned since day one. My VP allowed it, senators allowed it, heck even the judges allowed it- is all according to this plutocracy plan we call the constitution. Total legal prestational actions confirmed, I'm sure the people wouldn't mind(Codename Tactic:PEA, Peceptiounous Expert in Action) 2) My fellow Americans, as we speak an asteroid is heading toward Earth. You are all going for an eternal slumber. The key word is you. You. I have a one way ticket to the U.S. space station, where I'll watch and see you all get blown away by the rock, & I'll laugh evily from my totally lit mansion from up space, sound & safe. Unlike you suck@s! mwuahaha 1) I would just like to tell the young Americans that you can just say no to drugs. Just say no. Drugs are bad. Drugs are very bad. That is all. Of course, if I could tell them my side of the story, I would tell them that drugs are very refreshing. I was an addict when I was younger, and it attracts the ladies. I'm not just talking ladies either. I was popular after I smoked. I was cool. It was the one time in my life when I felt accepted..ph..what? We're still on the air? Is that what that red glowing light means? Uh..WE ARE NOW EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES 

Preaching till lawn. A preacher was making his rounds to his parishoners on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawnmower."How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher."I'm just trying to make enough money to buy a bicycle," said the little boy.After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my bike in trade for it?"The boy said, "You got a deal."The preacher took the mower and tried to crank it. He pulled on the string a few times with no response from the mower.The preacher called the little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."The little boy said, "That's 'cause you have to cuss at it to get it started."The preacher said, "I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's been so long since I've been saved that I don't know if I even remember how to cuss."The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that string. It'll come back to you!" 

The faux 24HR Doc. Doctor: I have good news and bad news.Patient: Go with the good news first.Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.funnyjokes,jokecenter,4funnies. 

Math issues.Why did the math book commit suicide?Cuz it had too many problems! 

A guy is swerving down the road and gets pulled over. The cop says,"You have to take a Breathalyzer test." The guy says, "I can't. I have asthma, and it'll start me on a coughing fit."The cop says, "Then I have to give you a blood test." The guy says, "You can't. I'm a hemophiliac, and if you prick me, I'll bleed all over the place."The cops says, "Then you have to get out of the car and walk a straight line."The guy says, "I can't."The cop says, "Why not?"The guy says, "Because I'm drunk you idiot..didn't you see the way I was driving!"

Lost Farm. Farmer : Quite a storm we had last night. Neighbor : Yep, it sure was. Farmer : Did it damage your barn any? Neighbor : I dunno, I haven't found it yet.

Morgen_muffel:Burger King married Dairy Queen at White Castel. Daughter was Wendy. McDonald killed Burger King in front of Popeyes over, Wendy. Five Guys is paying for the entire funeral. Burial is Sonic fields. Funeral at K.F.C. I am taking the Subway. (Finish the story). 7:*Wendy avenges BK & resucitates with the power of change.org to bring not only BK back to life but Hometown Buffet too through donations as it settles somewhere in 127 Corridor Sale of Mi,Addison to Noccalula Rd/Body St. The Best in restaurant chains of the world. Wendy becomes famous that it's actually paving way to a new world order, breaking records far beyond of Nathan's Waffle House Ufc Hall of Fame as story narrators speak since is said she got a gig with twitter since 09 & she continues to roast everyone to this day for fun, so kudos to her*

What is your favorite aisle in any home improvement store? 7:I did jokes on aisle 3 (someone vomiting that vomited on me so quit type of joke) & 15 aisle (theft, as cop easy way or hard way) before so..this ones going to be about aisle 4. 'Clean up on aisle 4, someone spilled the beans today, tripping up on lies but indeed hit the fire alarm🚨 through a domino effect caused on ppl. No false alarm, just be weary of slippery floors without warning signs now everybody!'

What did the astronaut say when they were heading to the moon? They had to plan-et.

Is your fridge running? Because I may vote for it.

Why did it rain angels from Heaven's Lost Property to Made in the Abbys, the other day? (Who was in the wrong all along in this hierarchy system of ours?) 

Because Interviewspecies Reviews felt the need to do a trial that would help alleviate previous stressful tensions! Crimvael:You see, because my angel halo broke, I can't use my powers.

Hai! you need culture diversity in your life, hai (means okay or yes in japan).